Some persons who would never think of putting themselves at a competitive disadvantage in something as relatively unimportant as a game or a sporting contest, unwittingly do so in their relationship search. A fundamental principle usually applies to finding what you want, whether it be a good job, a good college or a good relationship - Your chances for success increase in relation to the number of attempts made! Relationship candidates as well as prospective colleges and potential employers have to be made aware of your interest in them. Being shy, coy, demure or unassertive isn't very successful in landing either the job, college, date or spouse of your choice.
This doesn't mean that you shouldn't choose attractive people. It does mean that you probably
shouldn't limit your choices only to superficially attractive persons, especially if you're
batting out of your league and you're on a membership plan with a limited number of selections
An inexperienced or foolish card player may tend to overvalue the importance of the more glamorous face cards and the magnificent aces over the other cards in the deck. He may attempt to hold or draw these cards against the odds, while discarding better possibilities presented by the plainer faced number cards. This player will usually lose to a more realistic player who wisely looks for a winning combination from all of the cards available.
3. Realize That It's Necessary To Endure Rejection In Order To Achieve Success
Expect to experience some rejection when making selections, especially from the most frequently selected members who sometimes tend to be more selective and restrictive due to their popularity. Don't become discouraged if you're turned down. Instead, up your chances for success simply by making more selections. You may meet more members than someone who's more attractive or accomplished, but unwilling to make as many selections as you, because they don't want to deal with the possibility of rejection. Although it may at first sound contradictory, the following principle usually applies:
4. Don't Give Up
It's easy to quit, blame the program, or the other members if you're not getting the kind of results you want.
5. Take a Look at Yourself
Have you taken a close look at your personal attributes? How marketable are they to the persons you'd like to meet?
A. Are you realistic in your appraisal of yourself? Some of us have a self image which varies (sometimes considerably) from the way others perceive us. It's not always easy to understand why some people may react to you as they do, and it can helpful to get an assessment from a professional counselor. Remember, we have a Licensed Marriage and Family Counselor available if you'd like to explore any personal growth issues.
B. What qualities can you change that some people find undesirable? Are you overweight or a heavy smoker? Are you hyper-critical of others or oblivious to your own flaws? Do you portray yourself in an offensive, elitist manner. If so, you must realize that fewer persons are going to want to meet you, or stay around very long if they find these qualities disturbing. You then have the choice of deciding to lose weight, reduce nicotine dependency, or change your attitudes or behavior. Another alternative entails lowering your expectations. Of course you can also choose neither to change, nor to lower your expectations, and play against the odds for the limited numbers of persons who will tolerate, or don't mind these things about you.
C. Are you average in looks? Unfortunately we're not all great looking. Most of us aren't! It's unrealistic to choose only the most attractive members and then become disappointed if they don't want to meet you.
D. Are you attractive, accomplished, wealthy or charming but can't sustain relationships? Do your obvious assets attract people to you initially, only to find that that they don't stick around once they get to know more about you? Does your personality, attitude and behavior keep people interested in you or drive them away? If you are experiencing problems, have you considered discussing your concerns with a professional counselor?
E. Are there other things you can improve? Choose one or more and take action! Set realistic goals for yourself and take practical steps to achieve them. And remember, you have the support, understanding and guidance of a caring organization whose program is exclusively designed to help you achieve your goals as a single.
Copyright 1992-2017 Norman Mickey
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